The Golden Years ...

It doesn't seem possible ...

But this year I will be 80 years old, and my hope for you is that you are able to also reach the same number one day. I continue to play hockey five times a week, every week, in Toronto and at the Fabulous Igloo in Bradenton, Florida.

To prepare you, I thought you may be interested in a heads-up to the rarified air known as:

"The Golden Years".

First things first -- when it happens to you and I sincerely hope it does, you'll wonder ... how did I get to be this old? I feel the same as I did 20 years ago.

Don't be confused, don't complain, getting here, getting old, is like winning the lottery and a whole lot better than the alternative.

Let's start this "guidebook" with peeing.

You'll be peeing a lot. Actually, I started in my 50's, but it's gotten way worse. As an example, I've been trying not to drink any liquids after 7 pm. Last night, I woke from a deep sleep 4 times to have a whiz -- where does this stuff come from? And, strangely enough, I could set my watch by the pee interruptions... every one, an hour and a half apart.

ADVICE ... when this starts, squat to pee each time, and you can grab a few extra zzzz's while you're squatting. Also, this position gives you a chance to revisit the dream you had just prior to your bladder saying, "we gotta go".

Teeth can be a huge problem.

A few weeks ago, I forgot to wear my "night guard" to bed. I grind my teeth when sleeping, and the "night guard" for teeth prevents damage. So, of course, I bit down so hard during a grinding episode that I split an upper tooth in half and had to have the remaining piece extracted. (Have I ever mentioned to you how much I hate dentists? ... I'm anti-dentite ... thank you, Seinfeld). The dentist said, "We'll talk more about this when your mouth heals".

A week later, eating popcorn, watching my Leafs get bounced, I hit a rock-hard kernel so hard I split the tooth below the one that was extracted. The dentist now thinks he can make me look like "The Man of the Year" by patching all these holes up by sliding in some "bridges," some implants and some other stuff for about $23,000. I guess he doesn't realize I'm 80 and not only am I on the Back Nine ... the clubhouse is in full view." 

We went to our eye doctor in January. 

The result ... we both need to have cataract surgery. The doctor made a "cataract date" with the surgeon for this spring because I've been having trouble with car headlights at night, and Lorraine is favouring one eye over the other. We are starting to look like Ma and Pa Kettle!

I had my hearing tested because it's free.

I was surprised to find my hearing is bad. The tester suggested "The Cadillac of Hearing Aids" for $5000. I went to COSTCO, where there's no salesperson commission, and the hearing test was way better, and the cost for the "Cadillac" was $2000 (and our CDN government paid half) 

Just after Christmas, Lorraine and I visited our Florida paradise home for the 37th time. This tops the charts for being very lucky because we bought in 1989, and we appreciate every moment we spend at Isla del Sol. But, realistically, we have to start to calculate how many more times we can visit, how available we are to travel or interested in travelling, the cost at the bank and physically ... and the desire to continue to travel. Things will most definitely change in the next while. But, for now, we're pushing on -- at some time in the next 12 months, we will have completed 80 cruises ... and I have no idea how we did it. 80 by 80!

Friends and relatives start to depart.

When I grew up in downtown Toronto in the 1950s - 60s, I had 4 very close friends ... 2 of them were my best friends. Although we lost touch over the years, their newspaper obituaries reveal that they have all departed in the past 10 years ... including the best man at my wedding, closest friend and godfather of my first child, who recently left due to pneumonia... who doesn't get the pneumonia shot and dies from pneumonia in this day and age?

Your Undercarriage.

If you are taking or thinking about taking one of those "blue pill" enhancements, you may want to visit Google and learn about the specific qualities of Cialis ... it helps your prostate ... the other one doesn't.

Hockey.

About a year ago, I noticed a big change in my skating. Before that, I was very satisfied with how I could keep up with the 50/60 year old players, then, everything changed -- I couldn't keep my balance on skates. I went to a doctor and promptly flunked all of the in-office DUI tests he gave me. Then, 2 more doctors, MRI tests on my brain (they found nothing in there) ... blood tests, blah, blah, blah ..  nothing. Then, it occurred to me ... my problem might be a loss of connection to my center of gravity. When I gave my medical concerns to CHAT AI, it revealed that my condition of feeling a loss of center of gravity is simply part of getting older, and gave me a list of exercises and told me to cross my fingers and hope for the best.

And, here's a train you can never see coming ...

"I put my back out". I'm not really sure what "put my back out" means, but I think we both do. 10 days ago, I simply reached for something, and my back didn't think that was a good idea. So, I've had a scorching pain, right side, above my cheek. Robax (at a dollar a pill) and Tylenol don't help. Standing/sitting/walking is a challenge. As the Yoga Master says, "You're only as young as your back." 

If you're fortunate enough to reach the upper decades, changes in your appearance and lifestyle are likely to occur. Understand, embrace and move on with an improved sense of humour about what's happening and what's about to happen to you. 

There was a fabulous retired Toronto football player who went on to become an outstanding sports writer for a local newspaper. He also regularly included reports on the condition of his beaten-up body in his columns and would describe his ailments hilariously, signing himself off as The Groaner. Sometimes he'd overdo it and spend more time discussing his

physical problems, than last night's sporting event, and would simply sign off ... Ain't Life Grand.